Grief Bingo for those in the Club No One Wants to Join
Nothing is better for coping with grief and trauma than dark humor.
Nothing gets you through the darkest of days after the death of a loved one like a bit of dark and twisted humor. And a tribe that gets it. Those members of the dead dad’s club, the dead mom’s club, the dead spouse club, the dead friend’s club get this like no one else. (And of course the dead children’s club - but I put that in a category by itself. I will not pretend to relate to that level of pain, but I never want to leave it out when talking about grief.)
So how about a game of “Grief Bingo” to play with a glass or a bottle, or three, of wine. So these are the categories of round one. There will be more to come because there is always more when dealing with the loss of a loved one, the dumb things people say to those in grief, and the struggles, such as the holidays after a loss.
Here are the Bingo categories that sadly, I think most of us can win pretty quickly. If you want to download the actual PDF of the game, click here.
Those who have experienced grief and loss of a loved one will get this.
You see someone who looks like your loved one who has died.
1 - You thought you saw your loved one for a second.
I have had this happen to me so many times. Other grievers have told me the same thing. There is that flash for a second, especially in the early days, when it has not been that long since you couldn’t have expected to run into them. There is that normal moment of excitement, that you get when you run into someone you know and are happy to see. Then the wave washes over you as you remember. A few years later, it is more wistful. I have these intense loving emotions about this person I just see and don’t even know. Also I know if I did get to know them, they would actually not really be very much like my person. They would be their own person.
The club none of us want to be in - Dead dads club. Dead moms club. Widow club. Dead sibling club all suck.
2 - You made a new friend who is in “the club”and gets it.
I’m in the dead dad’s club. Unfortunately. I wish there was a way to get kicked out. When I meet other members, of the dead mom’s club too since we get parent loss, there is an instant connection. Even if we don’t end up becoming friends, even if we have nothing else in common, there is an instant connection. The conversation is immediately deep. There is a comfort.
I have also become good friends with many people in the “dead parent” club. Many are people I might not have become friends with otherwise. Many of them understand me in a way people who have known me my whole life don’t. We just get each other. We also know we can’t make each other uncomfortable.
When you first wake up and forget they died for a second.
3 - You forgot they died for that one second when you first woke up.
How much explanation does this one really need. This is absolutely one of the worst things about grief. As Anna Quinlan said: “Here is one of the worst things about having someone you love die: It happens again every single morning.”
We all get that. You wake up and are hit with that awful feeling. For a micro second you forget why you have that horrible feeling, then it comes flooding back. I had insomnia and was afraid to sleep for months just because I want ed to avoid remembering again.
I will never delete my dead loved one’s phone number.
4 - You still haven’t deleted their number from your phone or contact list.
Nope. I haven’t. I probably never will. But I can’t bring myself to actually call. I didn’t save voice recordings.I sometimes wish I had and am sometimes glad I didn’t.
When grief is so bad you can’t get out of bed.
5 - You lay in bed not wanting to move all day.
I did this often. Many days. Laying in bed, sleeping, reading, watching movies. Anything that transported me to another reality. It was what I needed to do, and I am glad that I did. However nothing brought out the grief correctors more than the fact that I needed to lie in bed and that I let myself. I was bombarded with the cheer-up texts of people letting me know they thought I should be out and doing something - whatever thing that they wanted me to do to make them feel more okay with my grief. These are not close friends in my life anymore.
I will punch the next person who tells me my loved one is in a better place.
6 - Someone told you “They are in a better place.”
I don’t get this one. Why do people say this. Every single person who has had a loss hates this and every single person has heard this. Even. If they were, why would that stop you from missing them with all your heart. I don’t care if my dad is living on a tropical island in paradise, if I cant visit, he cant leave, and there is no phone or internet I’m still devastated and miss him like crazy.
7 - You restrained yourself from punching the person who told you they are in a better place. (+2 bonus points if you actually DID punch them)
Normally we all restrain ourselves from punching someone who says the above. Because, well…however much we might want to, we can’t go around punching people. But let’s just say, and I’m not saying you should, you did happen to punch them, I will give you two extra points in this game Bingo.
After losing a loved one, you can’t relate to many old friends anymore.
8 - You can’t relate to some old friends anymore.
Some friends just don’t get it. They cannot accept that you are changing. You cannot have a profound loss and remain the same. They have no patience with the fact you are sad and maybe aren’t “fun” anymore or able to take care of them anymore. Some of them maybe don’t approve of how you handle your grief and make sure to make that clear, properly disguised as if they are “worried about you.” Or “trying to help.” Maybe they are actually being kind, and just are a bit awkward instead of correcting and you just can’t relate now, but at some point you will be close again. Or maybe not.
Grief brain fog is real
9 - You keep forgetting everything and feel like you can’t focus.
You feel like you aren’t even on this planet. Your head is in the clouds. You can’t even remember what you walked into the room for. Who you were supposed to text back. Where you left your keys. Your head feels like it is full of cobwebs. That’s normal.
Ask for signs from your loved ones who have passed.
10 - You asked your loved one to send you a sign.
Getting signs from your loved ones feels like a huge hug. It is so reassuring that they are around you and that yes, life can continue. If you think this is all a bunch of nonsense, that’s okay too. There is no right or wrong way to process, or frame your loss. I pick something unique, not easy to come across, that relates to either my dad and his hobbies, or other loved ones. I am skeptical, so I don’t want them to be easy to find, like a plain feather or a dime.
11 - You think you really got a sign from your loved one.
For me, during my in-depth research of afterlife evidence signs was something I learned a lot about. I thought it was complete nonsense, but the signs I got absolutely blew me away and helped change my mind about there being an afterlife. I love reading about other people’s signs too. Some are just plan sweet, and some are shockingly evidential.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve
12 - Someone corrected how you handle your grief.
Constantly. I am sure every single person playing Grief Bingo can claim this. Don’t let their corrections make you question yourself. No one, not a single person, can know better than you how you need to handle your grief.
Going to a medium can help you cope with grief.
13 - You went to or are considering going to a medium.
At first I thought mediums were either com artists or delusional themselves. But I researched, read about science-based studies that tested them for accuracy, then I went and got my own readings. Some of them blew me away. While many mediums are not evidential, some blew me away. And there only needs to be one genuine medium in the whole universe to show that yes, we do survive death.
People will let you down when you have had a loved one die and you are in grief.
14 - A key person you always thought you could count on, let you down.
This one is just plain sad. Every single person who has had a loss has a story like this. It ends up being another loss.
People you never expected come through when a loved one has passed away.
15 - Someone you barely knew really came through for you and is now a friend.
And very single person who has had a loss has a story like this. While nothing at all makes up for your loss, this is a balm. The surprise and joy of a new (or a few) good friends. People you would never have gotten close with otherwise.
I always feel so jealous of people who have not lost a loved one.
16 - You saw someone with their person(same relationship you lost) and you felt unbearably jealous.
This just hurts. A lot. I know we are all supposed to pretend we aren’t ever jealous, but come on. We all are. When you lost your dad and then see some 60 something with their dad, and kids and grandkids, all getting to know their dad, how can you not be jealous.
Don’t tell someone in grief to not be sad.
17 - Someone told you “Your loved one wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
I HATE this one. What they really mean is your sadness is making them uncomfortable, so they are going to use the name of your loved one to get you to stop acting sad around them. I think your loved one would probably understand that you are sad.
18 - You refrained from telling the person who told you “they wouldn’t want you to be sad,” to fuck off.
This takes a lot, and I mean A LOT of restraint. And honestly if you did tell them to fuck off - GOOD.
19 - You almost told someone to fuck off who said something dismissive or correcting about your loss Bonus point: if you actually did tell them to fuck off.
See above. You do get xtra points if you did tell them to fuck off. Or anyone else, who said anything just as dismissive and toxically positivity,
It’s so awkward when I meet new people who don’t know my dad died.
20 - You had that really awkward moment with someone you just met who didn’t know about your loss yet.
Oy! I hate this. It is so uncomfortable. Everyone just feels bleh. And awkward.
I still hug my loved one’s old shirts.
21 - You hugged and held something that belonged to them.
Their smell. The memories.
I talk to my loved ones who have passed away all the time.
22 - You still talk to them.
I do this all the time. In my head and aloud. I do think they can still hear me.
After someone dies, you want to talk about them!
23 - Someone asked you all about your loved one and it made your day.
This is honestly the best. I LOVE when people get I do wanna talk about my dad, and all other people and animals I miss who have passed. I’m thinking about them all the time anyway, so yes let me share my favorite memories.
Who still has the phone number of their loved ones who have passed away saved?
24 - You almost called their number or did call their number.
Yes. Done this. Haven’t we all.
Are you in the Grief Club?
How many points did you get?